Fulfilling Relationships by Stephanie
Are relationships suppose to make us feel fulfilled?
In my experience, relationships make up the foundation of our life. That said, many of us strive to be in relationships that are "fulfilling", especially when it comes to our life partner. Why wouldn't we, right? Well....
Years ago, while still somewhat "asleep" on the spiritual path, the word fulfillment had a vastly different meaning than it does today as it relates to relationship. Without boring you with the details, in the past fulfillment focused primarily on topics related to "I, me, my, mine, myself". Meaning, my view of how things ought to be, how I saw it, what I needed, etc. Get the drift?
Over the past few years, as I've deepened my commitment to raising my own consciousness and embracing the work of Eckhart Tolle, seeking “fulfillment” in relationship feels elusive and ego driven. Perhaps it even sets us up for “disappointment”... you know, riddled with all that expectation...
Upon reflection, my experience has been that relationships are here to make us grow... not necessarily to make us happy or fulfilled. In fact, it seems that looking to relationships to be fulfilling is not the point at all.
Often our life partners are the exact ones who "provoke" us the most. Sometimes we are provoked and feel love, other times, not so much. And yet, if we are the type of person who finds "growth" and the provocation fulfilling, then where does that leave us? Maybe it's how we are looking at our relationships that cause the suffering and lack of fulfillment?
Having said this, we are human and have needs. And there is nothing wrong with having needs and wanting to be fulfilled. Perhaps what we need to look at is the "expectation" of who is the one responsible for fulfilling those needs...and what is realistic? A rich topic with many perspectives to be sure!!!
I continue to explore this topic.
At this moment, my sense is that if we can feel fulfilled by ourselves, meaning, we enjoy who we are and have a relationship with our self, the neediness of a relationship will disappear. When we are no longer "needy", perhaps all those expectations fall away and the suffering disappears. We remain present and perhaps realize that if the current relationship isn't working, it simply isn't. Because we are fulfilled by our self, our actions are motivated by love instead of fear.
In this way we enter a relationship whole, complete, full -- needing nothing from anyone and thereby being able to enjoy a relationship without the fear of "being alone". Powerful!!!
What are your feelings? I would love to hear. EMail me here.
Note: This blog also appears on Steph's Bronxville Wellness Sanctuary website.